Is it really a sin to be single?
“People
always go, ‘Aren’t you afraid of being alone or dying alone?’ And I just go,
‘I’ve also been in relationships where I’ve been shockingly alone.’ I don’t
agree with the idea that you have to have that or it’s a failed life.” - George Clooney
The term 'single' is a fluid concept, it means different things to different people, but most commonly it is perceived negatively by people who have never given single life a chance. People actually FEAR being single. The thought of single life, for some, consumes them with anxiety. These are the same people who stop themselves from escaping relationships that are waay past their sell-by-date, all because the prospect of being single is dire, horrific, embarrassing, empty...and the list goes on. People stay in failing relationships because of the sinned single status...'There's too much space on the other side of my bed' 'How will I spend my Sundays?'. Enjoy the beautiful freedom of star-fishing and rolling around with no one to worry about. Eventually we'll get married, so we've got the rest of our lives to share a bed with someone and claim our side.
So why is being single such a shameful concept? People make out that being single equals a dark, dark loneliness and from their perspective, there is nothing more to it than that. People genuinely think you are a loner, an unwanted, unused toy that's been left to age on the shelf. It's so cliché and so incorrect. Being single doesn't mean living life like Bridget Jones. Sorry but the rumours aren't true, we do not cry in to our Ben and Jerry's tub at night longing for love and affection. Instead we have a thriving social life with friends. We go out to enjoy ourselves, not to 'pull' and if a handsome man speaks to us on a night out, grand, but if not, who cares?
As a single soul, you face constant disappointment. But not from yourself, oh no... from other people. It kills to tell people who you haven't caught up with in a good while 'NO' when they excitingly ask 'Have you got a boyfriend yet?'. It really upsets them. Oh and don't get me started on the parents and grandparents, who are still rooting for you after all these months (or years). Sometimes you feel like answering yes just to temporarily please them, give them faith that they don't have to 'worry' about you being on your own. But of course they ask too many questions, which would lead to too many lies... Speaking of this 'worry', what's that all about? Why do people 'worry' about you being single? Do we 'worry' about people in relationships? No we don't. So why do people feel concerned for your well-being if you belong to a gang with only one member and not two...
Stevie Nicks once made a very important remark about being single: “People say to you, ‘Well, what do you mean you don’t have a boyfriend? You don’t want to have one? You don’t want to be married?,” “And you’re like, ‘Well, no, I don’t, actually. I’m fine.’ And they find a lot of reasons why you’re not fine." I cannot praise Nicks' 'fine' line more if I tried, because as a single girl you constantly have to reassure others you're OK with being single, as though it's a nasty illness. It's ridiculous really. Just because other people can't cope with being on their own doesn't mean we can't.
Stevie Nicks once made a very important remark about being single: “People say to you, ‘Well, what do you mean you don’t have a boyfriend? You don’t want to have one? You don’t want to be married?,” “And you’re like, ‘Well, no, I don’t, actually. I’m fine.’ And they find a lot of reasons why you’re not fine." I cannot praise Nicks' 'fine' line more if I tried, because as a single girl you constantly have to reassure others you're OK with being single, as though it's a nasty illness. It's ridiculous really. Just because other people can't cope with being on their own doesn't mean we can't.
Us single gals face one extreme to the other. 'Yeah but you LIKE being single', yeah I do like being single but it's not my life goal to stick at it. People LIKE their jobs but it doesn't mean they don't want a new career later on in life. Some people hate being single and I'm not disputing that, but the way I see it is, if you're happy and independent on your own, you will only sacrifice changing your relationship status if someone's worth it. Us singletons can afford to be picky because we can be on our own, we've gotten used to it for long enough haven't we? So we don't depend on just anyone to lift our spirits. Saying this though, the whole independence thing plays a huge role in our lives as single gals. People say to me 'Katie you're good at being single because you're independent'. Correct, and I enjoy people saying this to me. However, why can't people be independent IN relationships? I've been in independent relationships in the past... it's as though society still thinks of the binaries of single/in a relationship as happy/unhappy as totally black and white concepts.
One of my favourite lines is: 'But you're just too picky'. Erm, about that... why is it such a crime to be picky? Watch me seethe with anger when this falls out of someones mouth. I'm frequently told this is why I'm single, and by the way I don't recall a time I asked for an explanation as to why I'm single, nor have I ever wanted or required one. When the 'picky' pep talk occurs, I feel like screaming: MAYBE YOU'RE NOT PICKY ENOUGH, which I do...silently, in my head. Tip to the relationship judge panel: 'single' and 'settle' have only one thing in common, and that's their first letter.
Another frequent question for a single-ton is the one that poses as a nice question: 'I just don't get why you're single?'. Of course the person saying this doesn't get it, because the only person who would ever say this to you is someone already in a rel. But what relationship hopper would get it? They jump from their lily pad of routine onto another as soon as they get the opportunity to and therefore never give themselves time to understand our way of life. They assume a single life is an entirely negative experience with no positive benefits, all because it's something they know nothing about, the forbidden fruit so to speak, but this is a fruit they're not interested in tasting.
Another frequent question for a single-ton is the one that poses as a nice question: 'I just don't get why you're single?'. Of course the person saying this doesn't get it, because the only person who would ever say this to you is someone already in a rel. But what relationship hopper would get it? They jump from their lily pad of routine onto another as soon as they get the opportunity to and therefore never give themselves time to understand our way of life. They assume a single life is an entirely negative experience with no positive benefits, all because it's something they know nothing about, the forbidden fruit so to speak, but this is a fruit they're not interested in tasting.
'I can always count on you to be single' - I don't know about you other single-tons, but I am everyone's go-to-girl when one of my pals become fresh meat to the single game. It's funny when your former relationship gal pals become single. They claim 'Oh yeah I'm happy on my own now'. They even give themselves the little 'I can do this' pep talk, but in reality they constantly strive for the opportunity to invite a new man onto their lily pad and the quicker, the better. Your eyes then begin to roll, you've witnessed this oh so many times and from so many people. The outcome is always the same too, their time as a single-ton is short lived. Basically, they've completed the finish line before you've even began the race...
Don't even get me started on match making, which I like to follow with 'hell no'. Why do we get set up? Our friends try to be kind but we are not inadequate souls who need help finding someone. Finding someone isn't the issue, it's finding the right one. It's quite an insult that people assume because we're single that we have no standards and therefore will accept their request to go on a date with their boyfriend's friend's friend. Noooooo thank you.
Don't even get me started on match making, which I like to follow with 'hell no'. Why do we get set up? Our friends try to be kind but we are not inadequate souls who need help finding someone. Finding someone isn't the issue, it's finding the right one. It's quite an insult that people assume because we're single that we have no standards and therefore will accept their request to go on a date with their boyfriend's friend's friend. Noooooo thank you.
But if your pal tries to set you up and you decline you are quickly reminded of how single you really are: 'How long have you been single now?' Ok, cool, cheers for that buddy – that reminder changes nothing... My usual response is: long enough to know i'm happier than a fair amount of people stuck in a relationship bubble, their fantasy world where being in a crumbling relationship is a happier life than a single one. This isn't always the case, and I'm not saying single people don't fake the 'I love being single' status because they do; not every single girl chooses to be single over being in a relationship.
Whilst writing this post I thought I'd gather some single memes to wedge between my words. I didn't really find what I was looking for, however what I did find was very interesting. I found evidence that society just loves to slate singles. One meme compares how inadequate you are to those in a relationship because 'even Hitler' found someone. Hitler was a cruel, callous man, and so us single girls are made to feel that if an immoral, horrific person like Hitler wasn't alone in life, then why are we? How utterly ridiculous.
Another meme outlined people's quick assumption that us single girls are always crazy bitches. Single women are those uncontrollable types that cannot be tamed and need to be handled with care like a box of bone china from the delivery man because we are 'fragile', out of control, and could break down at any minute. Pah-lease man, stop questioning why we are single, stop assuming it's not our decision to be single and stop tarring every single girl with one-crazy-single-girl-experience-brush. 'All men are the same' isn't a true statement, nor is 'all single girls must be crazy if they are beautiful AND single'. I mean god forbid a woman actually enjoying themselves without a man...what a preposterous and outrageous statement to make... *rolls eyes*.
Another meme outlined people's quick assumption that us single girls are always crazy bitches. Single women are those uncontrollable types that cannot be tamed and need to be handled with care like a box of bone china from the delivery man because we are 'fragile', out of control, and could break down at any minute. Pah-lease man, stop questioning why we are single, stop assuming it's not our decision to be single and stop tarring every single girl with one-crazy-single-girl-experience-brush. 'All men are the same' isn't a true statement, nor is 'all single girls must be crazy if they are beautiful AND single'. I mean god forbid a woman actually enjoying themselves without a man...what a preposterous and outrageous statement to make... *rolls eyes*.
My final point is, all relationship-pers easily forget they started off in the single boat. They forget that they made it eventually. So just remind them that: so will we, if we want to. It's certainly not a sin to be single, and we will take our sweet time to change our singledom status and enjoy it because, why the hell wouldn't we? Girls just wanna have fun after all...
Katie x
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